Today marks 1st April, yada, I know its April's Fool but I have not been fooled yet. Haha. I was working split shift earlier on and I only head to bed at 6am I think and I overslept. I was only awake at 11am when I was supposed to start work at 12pm! I rushed myself up and took cab over to workplace and I punched in on time, fuhh! Work was alright. During my break, Mr Man brought us (Safari, Raj, Manu and myself) over to New York New York for lunch and it was superb. The food was finger licking good and the waffles I can say that Gelare's better, seriously. The bill was a bomb but it was under Mr Man, thanks eh Botak! Heh! We were behaving like as if we owned that place cause Mr Man was behaving nonsensically (okay is there such meaning?). I was laughing so loudly lor. Back to work later at 6pm after I had my 4hours break. Punched out at 11pm and then my mood spoilt after receiving those text from Mummy.
I dont know why I reacted too much upon reading the text that Mummy sent.
"Nanti Adek start sekolah kena tepikan duit ez-link. Mama dah takde duit lagi. Don't get your Ipod or PSP first. That money is for your allowance till end of April. Im going to pawn in my bracelet and your necklace. I need to pay the sofa money, give Nenek for Kakak's marriage, duit installment laptop Kakak. Please understand my situation. Nanti after the marriage and all my debts is cleared, I helped you chip in some for your Ipod and PSP. Im sorry that you came into this world from a poor family. Im struggling make ends meet. I love you. I love Kakak. I love Amirul. But I've got no one to turn to. Kakak is with her guy, Amirul is still young, he doesnt know anything yet. And Ayah pula with his forever debts. Im very very sorry Adek because you have to struggle in this situation. I hope you understand me. I love you. Text me when you're on the way back home from work, Im waiting."
Sis, I know your big day is drawing very near but are you really keen about it? Im sad you see. I cant imagine that youre getting married so soon. Remember those days we used to chat during the late night before we head to bed? We were saying that when we reach 20's, I wanted to be an entrepreneurship or whatever it was and Daddy sailing the ship? We made a joke about it, and now, see who's the one sailing the ship? Im happy for you that youve finally gotten yourself a job as an Admin Executive at Sembawang Branch Office. But at the same time, I feel sad. One, hes getting you a ring which you know how much la (i dont wish to say the price out), come on, its supposed to be a significant ring for you, mind you and he? I know youre both are tight of cash but isnt there any other way? Why must you made this big day come so fast? Why not plan to settle down in a year or so. At least, you both can have your own savings and get more stuffs and such. Another thing, hantaran, you know I know la. I dont know why youre so stupid, seriously. Another, do you know whose money is being used up from the girls side? Granny, Mummy and myself! Mind you, mine too is involved when I am not the one getting married. Ini bukan masalah nak mengukit.
Aku sedih tau bila Mama kata she wants to pawn in my necklace for the sake to get money for your wedding. Apa perasaan aku sey Kakak, yang nak kahwin kau tapi aku terbabit. And because alot of money is used up in your marriage, Mama suroh aku survive ngan duit pay aku for my April allowance. Kau pikir duit gaji yang aku dapat ni cukop ke untok aku survive Kakak? Aku sedih tau. Dalam train otw alek aku nangis, orang semua tengok. Asal sey sampai macam gini? Kau betol ke dengan keputusan kau? Pikir masak-masak Kakak. Aku kecewa tengok kau macam gini. During my O levels I feel so pressurised thinking about it. I thought I can do well in order to make Mama and Ayah happy and proud but I failed. At the same time I know how you feels whenever Nenek and Mama compare kau dengan aku. Aku tak kisah pasal itu semua sebab aku tahu, no one is perfect. Memang dari segi jahat, aku lebih jahat. Aku club, minom and stuffs tapi kau tak. But aku buat ini semua, aku make sure nothing went wrong. Aku tak nak tengok kau merana after your marriage. Although at times, aku benci kau, aku maki kau, tapi aku sayang kau sey. Its just that aku tak show. You know me right? Im so the boy-ish kind and this kinda girly thing I dont show it directly. And aku dont like how he's treating you and our family. Especially regarding the bill, and the internet money. He didnt fulfilled his promises, Sis. Keep that in mind. I believe you deserve a way better guy that him. I thought of texting you but I got so much to say and I know you'll read this post somehow.
Kakak, it's not too late to decide. I want you to be free from him asap and aku willing to ask Mama divorce ngan Ayah, seriously. Demi kebahagian kita adik-beradik Kak, aku sanggup. After what you've told me about Ayah that day during lunch, Im starting to hate him. He makes no difference in my life. Selama ini, aku tahu Mama sorang yang korbankan jasad dia for us Kak. Duit dia tak nampak kita nampak. It has always been Mummy whose supporting us throughout our whole years of living. I hope you'll get this straight in your mind. If this marriage is to go on, I dont know what to say. Aku tahu Mama and Ayah tak restu perkahwinan ini. I know it's tough for you to go through this life but aku janji kau, if kau batalkan ini semua, insyallah we lead a happy life. Mama, Amirul and ourselves. I am gonna talk things out with Mama regarding this asap. Aku tengok kau ngan Noi pon, kadang stable kadang tak. Remember the day I gave you $10 because his ez-link couldnt tap? Aku sedih infact. Kau menangis and merayu saying you got no cash and himself too. Tell me how you're gonna survive in future to come Kak? Think through it Kak. Mama sanggop let go of Ayah sekarang. I make sure she did that. Ayah takde, we still can survive, yes the four of us Kak. I believe. Aku nak kau continue Higher Nitec and hopefully masok Poly or at least a better offer job if you dont wish to go Poly. Amirul let him concentrate his PSLE next year. I pity him. He doesnt have anyone to talk to when I go work. At least if youre around still in AMK, he got someone. You know he prefer to be with you than me kan. He keep asking me when youre coming back home. Aku nak jawab apa Kak? He knows nothing aboutt his. I think thats all I've gotta say.
Those readers out there, if you know whats going on, then good. If not, then I dont wish to hear or see any unwanted tags or whatever cause you guys are not in my position now. Sorry Kakak, I know I tend to blog things out. But aku tkle take it anymore. I keep it way too long and I cant possibly hide from you. Sorry and apologies. :'(
I miss you, I miss our family. I wish it wouldnt happened but I think it is, slowly. Kakak, come back to us, will you? Sorry if all this while, Im not a good sister to you. (crying really badly)
